Describe yourself.

Mother. Partner. Daughter. Sister. Friend.  I think people would describe me as thoughtful, direct, generous, smart, funny, kind and pretty ;).  Currently, I spend the majority of my 9-5 time on my family.  Formerly, I focused on fashion strategy.

 How have you broken with tradition in exchange for a self-defined life?

My boyfriend, A, who I call my partner, and I, recently became a blended family with the birth of our now 4-month old daughter.  We were both married previously and have older children, R and J, from those marriages.  Having a blended family is hard work.  It takes a huge amount of commitment and understanding of everyone involved pretty much daily but it's also a great reminder that everything good is a choice.  When I became pregnant, I quit a job I loved.  Since my older son was an only child, I felt like there was a countdown to the time with him.  We moved to Brooklyn to be with my partner and his son as we prepared to become a new family of 5.  Brooklyn was barely a place I visited being a girl raised on Sex and the City and a lover of Manhattan from day one.  At the time, I made a lot of the hesitation I was feeling about my son but, now I realize, I was much more scared then he was.  I constantly had to stop my brain from telling me that this was too much change for one person to handle.  Instead, I had to blindly trust myself.  The outcome is that the past year has brought me more personal growth and lessons than I'd like to admit.  I think A and I had just under 1 million conversations - some of them dreamy and some of them not.  This gave me reassurance as I took a huge step away from my perfectly crafted and comfortable life.

Tell us about your uniform.   

These days you can find me in Lululemon Align leggings and a top that makes nursing easy.  One day I'll get back to my Levi's high rises and V neck tee look but in general I gravitate towards throw on and go items.  I pride myself on taking 5 minutes to get ready so I always find myself buying long flowy dresses.  My dad tells me to stop pretending I'm an earth mother but I pay no attention. 

Being a mother is more than one full time job and yet at times it doesn't feel like you're contributing enough.  I'm not sure if it is my personal ambition fighting me or the societal norm of being "just" a mom.

 

 

Interestingly, I'm having a hard time saying that I am a stay at home mom and recently we bought a car where I checked I was "unemployed" which made me incredibly uncomfortable.  Being a mother is more than one full time job and yet at times it doesn't feel like you're contributing enough.  I'm not sure if it is my personal ambition fighting me or the societal norm of being "just" a mom.  I grew up in a home where my mom stayed home with pleasure and I deeply respect her so I can't pinpoint where my discomfort is centered.  It may also be the fact that I'm not 100% certain when or if I will go back to work and uncertainty tends to be uncomfortable for me.  Whatever it is, I know I'm excited about what comes next.  My plan is to continue to check in with myself to see if that discomfort lessens when people ask "What are you doing now?" and make the best decision for me and my family. 

What are you searching for?  

Never ending search for balance and ease.  I've adopted a keep it moving / focus on the big picture attitude from my mom but how many times can a person answer what's for dessert when it's 7 in the morning.  

What have you learned along the way? 

I have an incredibly full life - filled with family I see frequently by choice and friends who I consider my family.  While I am so lucky to have the kind of friendships I do, I know it's because of the effort I put into the people I love.  The real lesson is to show up - no matter what, consistently.

What are you struggling with?

Lots of things but the one top of mind right now is biting my tongue.  I am a good listener and I have a lot of friends who come to me for advice.  Sometimes though, people just want to vent - they aren't looking for a strategic plan on how to make it to the other side of their problem.  I'm getting better at asking, "do you want my advice on this?"  It's a work in progress and something I'm really practicing in my own home. 

What brings you comfort?  

Monday nights.  I have a ritual that started when I was getting divorced to see the same group of friends every Monday night.  It started as something to look forward to and get me through the week and it ended up 3+ years later as my favorite day of the week.  Of course we miss some but the great thing about Monday is we try to reschedule for later in the week when we can all be together.  We pick animal spirit cards and trust them like they are facts.  We light candles.  We drink wine.  We order in (not a big cooking group ) and we talk about everything.  This includes the raise we want to ask for at work, problems with our partners or the stages we're experiencing with our kids.  Nothing is off limits.

Share a good read, watch, or listen.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle.  She's been my favorite author since her book called Love Warrior and this new book couldn't come at a better time with the quarantine.  It's 333 pages of perfection.  I have earmarked probably 300 of the pages.  My favorite chapter is called Aches.  I've already read it 10 times and had my mom read it too.  Just right now, I turned to one of the pages folded down.  It's about how as parents we are living in a time where we are more aware of how we must teach our daughters to be strong, brave and powerful but what's not as top of mind is teaching our sons to be patient, kind and reinforcing softness is not a weakness.

Tell us about something new.

There is so much new in my life right now.  I grew up in a home where my parents were always outwardly aligned.  Later in life I learned they weren't always on the same page but that was never felt by me.  This is something that both A and I have discussed as a priority within our family.  Trusting someone with something as important as making your children feel safe and loved is new for me having been a single parent but what a gift to model for them trust, love and respect in their home so they know the kind of relationships they should have for themselves.

Tell us about a gift you gave someone.

I gave my partner 40 gifts for his 40th birthday.  I know he was surprised by my thoughtfulness as every gift had meaning to our somewhat new relationship.  He was re-learning about love at the same time I was and I think in that moment he understood that I was in it for the long game. 

Tell us about something you created.

The thing I'm most proud of creating is space for myself.  About 18 months ago I went on a 4 day (felt like 4 weeks) silent retreat.  Although it was by choice, I was nervous and hesitant up until the last second.  I did not know how I could possibly survive without the things that gave me the most comfort and told myself if I wanted to leave early I would not be mad at myself - just the act of going would be enough.  Time basically stood still for those days.  The schedule was made up of a morning meeting and went into alternating hours of moving meditation and sitting meditation.  I was not an avid meditator going into this experience so really didn't know where to begin but on that first day, sinking in to deep listening to my own self talk, I found that I was so very thankful, and grateful, and happy with who I was.  I didn't carry many things from that trip into my daily life like I thought I would but through my participation and commitment, I created a much deeper relationship with myself which has positively impacted all of the relationships in my life.   

Share a takeaway.

Be the most kind to yourself.  Go easy.  You're definitely doing your best because if you weren't you would do better.  And find the kind of love you want - the struggle to get there is worth it.

Sasha is a mom of three who plays soccer with her boys by day and sleep trains her daughter by night.  In between, she avoids the kitchen at all costs.  Fun fact: the photographs in this story were taken on the beach by Sasha's 5-year-old son, R.

P.S.  The pieces in our stories are always authentically picked.  When purchased, we sometimes receive compensation in return.  Thank you for supporting!

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